With two atoms of hydrogen and one of oxygen, water is one of the simplest molecules around. And while it’s good at putting out fires, bottled water is also one of the hottest FMCGs (fast moving consumer goods) around. The market is up 57% to 154 billion litres over five years – the kind of figures WOSA would kill for, with annual global wine consumption of 23 billion litres (2004 numbers) and growing at the proverbial snail’s pace. Some of the water boom is the result of bizarre marketing: with Europe in thrall to bird flu, health conscious consumers in the Czech Republic can buy Fromin Aktium, a mineral water which comes in orange, lemon and grapefruit flavours as a prophylactic. Producer Aquamat claims ‘the drink is a prevention against all viral-type infections, therefore against bird flu as well.’ Although more skeptical consumers will note that the initials of the product are FA, the likely effect. Hysterical hypochondriacs aside, bottled water is now bigger than milk, coffee and beer in the US market and water marketers have clearly got their eye on wine consumers. People drink bottled waters for many of the same reasons they drink wine: it is fashionable, there are well-reported health benefits and they like the taste. In fact, judging by the www.finewaters.com website, some wine anoraks are retraining as water connoisseurs. The first sign of the aesthetization of water is in the provision of water menus – the analogue of wine lists - in trendy US restaurants. Terroir is paramount, even if 40% of bottled water sold in the US is modified tap water, with the more outlandish the source, the better. Then there is the question of the right glass for the right mineral water, with the Riedel Sommelier range featuring no fewer than three different designs at E45 a pop from www.rmashop.de. Much effort is expended matching water with food with issues such as water age, correct serving temperature and acceptable flavour matches exercising wet connoisseurs. Take the vexed question of what to drink with caviar. Forget about vintage Champagne or ice cold Vodka. Finewaters.com notes that the saltiness of the fish roe requires water with a low TDS and recommends Finé from Shuzenji on the Izu Peninsula of Japan, or if you prefer a slight effervescence, then Voss from an aquifer in central Norway. Finewaters also supply some warnings: ‘don’t put a generic PET (plastic) bottle next to a tin of caviar as it just looks rediculus (sic) and deflates the whole epicurian (sic) experience. If the water you would like to drink only comes in a plastic bottle – decant.’ And just like the green pepper additive scandal the world of mineral waters is periodically shaken, with perhaps the biggest splash made by Dasani, Coke’s 2004 attempt to enter the water world with purified tap water that, unfortunately for them, ended up with unacceptably high levels of bromate. While South Africa frets about the lack of icon wines, water producers have no such problem establishing icon brands. Take Fiji Water as an example. The number two imported bottled water in the USA, it is extensively plugged on hit TV sitcoms like Sex and the City with endorsements aplenty. Celebrity chefs of the wattage of Nobu Matsuhisa (urban legend has it that the rice at Nobu’s eponymous restaurants is boiled in the stuff) and Charlie Trotter swear by it and the advertising blurb is a winespeak dream: ‘Fiji Water filters through volcanic rock over hundreds of years, giving the water an abundant concentration of the essential mineral silica which contributes to FIJI Water’s soft mouth feel and great taste which is believed to reduce the risk of developing Altzheimer’s Disease in elderly women..…’ In SA, bottled water from Franschhoek is nearly as big an earner for the valley as wine, with Vito Palazzolo’s La vie de Luc the water of choice on SA Airways and such tourist icons as the Mount Nelson Hotel. With allegations flying last year that some (as yet unnamed) winemakers were adding water to their wines to bring down swingeing alcohol levels, let’s hope they used water with terroir.